Jersey Girl, Texan Heart: #backthatazzup


6:33 AM

Now, you're probably wondering what my title is about for this post.  I've been following Whitney over at I Wore Yoga Pants To Work for a short amount of time and she does this link up every Friday of back that azz up Friday.  It's pretty much whatever you're jammin' to at the moment to start off your weekend right.  Well I decided to pick an oldie for my first link up.  I was obsessed with this song back in the day and still love this song.  It might be because Cher from Clueless aka Alicia Silverstone is in the music video or it might just be because I have a small obsession with anything old school.  I mean if I really wanted to I would upload Pour Some Sugar On Me or The Wall but I think I'll save those oldies but goodies for another time, not sure if my blog can handle all of that old school'ness yet!

Crazy by Aerosmith on Grooveshark

So, I have a confession to make.  Lately I haven’t been feeling myself.  I’m not too sure as to why, I mean it may have something to do with me being sick, or it may not.  My spirits are down.  I think you can probably tell by my short blog posts.  I’m not sure if it’s because of the weather and how much I’m missing the summer months or if it’s just too much stress.  I guess I will take this time to kind of vent.  Recently I’ve been extremely stressed out, both at work and personal life.  I’m noticing that I’m making more mistakes than I normally would and they’re not huge mistakes they’re those stupid little ones that you used to beat yourself up over as a kid during a math test when you KNEW the answer but for some reason had a brain fart (thankfully they aren't the big ones!).  Yea, those types of mistakes.  I think what’s making it even worse is that it’s bringing me down.  It’s making me feel incompetent of taking on all of this work.  I hate that feeling.  I hate that feeling of failure.  I don’t think people truly realize how much work I endure in one day.  I’m not saying that I work ten times more than other people and they just sit on their bum all day and do jack ish.  No, not at all, because I've had to cover ALL of those people and more than one at a time so I KNOW for a fact that they don't just sit around.  I’m just saying that I feel like people don’t understand that I have a lot of work too.  It stresses me out and wears me down.  This has been happening for quite some time.  I don’t know what to do because how do you approach such a situation?  Do you tell someone?  Do you sit down and talk to someone and ask for advice on how to change your incompetency to competency?  Do you ask for help?  Do you keep quiet and hope for better things to come? 

I think for now what I’m going to do is keep quiet and just hope for the best.  Or maybe I’ll just think it through over the weekend.  I don’t like giving up and I don’t like feeling incompetent.  I want to try and see if maybe I can do better.  My problem is when I start feeling overwhelmed and not necessarily attacked but kind of, I tend to put my walls back up and alienate myself.  I guess it's a coping/defense mechanism for myself.  However, then I start asking myself, maybe I am slacking?  I’m not sure, but if you haven’t noticed I have definitely been slacking in the blogging department and I’m not a big fan of this.  I used to write posts ALL the time, and now I can go 4 days (like this last time) without blogging and I don’t even realize it’s been that many days.  Of course outfit posts are a little harder for me during the winter months because it is below zero degree weather and there’s snow everywhere (oh ,and I've been sick already twice this season), but I still think that maybe I’m just making up excuses.  I think I'm also starting to miss Texas.  About two years ago is when I first visited for the first time and fell in love so much that within two weeks my new residency was the lonestar state.  Life was different, even though it was harder (MUCH harder emphasis on the much) it was different.  Don't get me wrong Texas and I got off on the wrong foot when I actually moved there (you can read the whole story here) I do miss the challenge.

With all of the above being said, that’s why I’m so glad that it’s #backthatazzup Friday!  Let the weekend bring me lots of hours to sleep off this horrible bronchitis and sinus infection.  Also, stay tuned because I am going to ATTEMPT (key word; attempt) to finish some of my DIY projects.  I’ve been on a roll with those, maybe it’s because I’ve been stressed and it’s calming me?  Anywhoo, I hope everyone has a great Friday!!!!! 

Oh P.S. I know I said I wasn't going to make any New Year's Resolutions but there is something I'd like to do this year.  Take a photography class.  I want to learn more about cameras obviously, and the photography that goes behind some of these stunning pictures I see in the blogosphere!  Just don't hold me accountable if I don't get a chance to do it.  That's why I don't set resolutions.

P.P.S. I'm not trying to attract any sympathetic attention with this post.  It's just how I'm feeling at the moment, and hoping all of you understand why my blog hasn't been 100% lately.

"You can be barefoot and have no worries." Brigitte Bardot

"There's a sunrise and sunset every single day, and they're absolutely free.  Don't miss so many of them." Jo Walton

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