Jersey Girl, Texan Heart: Dear Dan

Dear Dan

4:00 AM

Dear Dan,

“It is not the length of life, but the depth of life.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson

Words really can’t describe how I’m feeling today.  You lost your battle to cancer two years ago today.  However you won the war of having your legend live on.  You are such an inspiration.  Your kindness and positivity truly touched not just me but so many people.  I’ve kept in touch with your brother and I even met Madelynn, she turned 1 not too long ago, but I’m sure you were watching down as everyone celebrated.  I’ve been meaning to write you this for quite some time, so here goes.

I think about you often.  A lot of people say it gets easier every day that you’re not here, but honestly, it really doesn’t.  There are so many times that I want to call you and tell you of something that happened so we can celebrate and have our chocolate chip pancakes with maple syrup, fresh strawberries, and whipped cream.  I think the reason why it doesn’t get easier is because you were so young and you had your whole life ahead of you.  Plus, you were one of the good ones.  You reminded me of what life is really about.  You reminded me that I like to laugh and be happy.  You reminded me of my self worth and that I DO deserve so much more than what I had at the time.  You reminded me to live and seize the day.  I don’t think you really know how much you changed my life, and I know EXACTLY what you would say.  First you would be sarcastic but then you would follow it with a serious statement of saying not to give you so much credit because I was the one who chose to change.  I don’t think I would’ve changed if it weren’t for you though.

I keep a picture of you at my desk at work and one in my wallet so you’re with me all the time.  Every time I get stressed or upset or even cry I look at your picture and I think of your goofy self.  Then I remember all the fun times we had like in college when we named our country in Ancient Civilizations a cuss word in Polish and only WE knew what it meant, or the time we drove around aimlessly and then realized we needed to fill the tank and there were NO diesel pumps except for a truck stop.  Yea, we thought we could use a truck nozzle for your car (LAUGH OUT LOUD!).  It’s those times that I remember how happy I was.  I still get really emotional and cry whenever I talk about you and I tend to talk about you a lot whenever I’m stressed or sad.  I still can’t stand the word cancer and every time I hear it my stomach drops.

I wish to one day have your strength and courage.  I wish to one day inspire people the way you have and continue doing.  I also wish to someday see you again, even if it’s in a dream.  I wish to someday tell my kids and grandkids the story of a great person.  Everything I’ve done in the past two years has been thanks to you.  All of the good things and changes I’ve made in my life are in your honor.  I may have lost you here on this earth but I know I gained a guardian angel.  I miss you kid.

“You’ll never really find those perfect words,
Something more than just Goodbye.
It’s hard to remember the good times when there’s just so much heartache,
But they deserve more than that. 
They deserve more than just one single moment of sadness.
So just remember that when there’s enough love in our hearts to burst like a supernova, then there sure as hell’s enough love in our heart to spark that famous smile.
We all lose someone at some point in our lives,
But don’t ever let go of that smile.
Hold on forever,
Because that’s our final dedication.”
-Asking Alexandria

Love Always,


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  1. This is beautiful.

  2. That was really sweet Monica. I promise you that Dan would be so happy and proud of you if he could see you today. The amount of things you have acompleshed in the past few years. Your blog, your company's, and cutting out all the negative people. You should be nothing but happy and proud. And I know he's looking down on you with a smile ☺. Hang in there pretty lady,and keep up the good work

  3. What a sweet and tender post. Thanks for sharing such a personal story. That was beautiful. Sorry for the loss of what sounds like an amazing person.

    1. Thank you :) he really was, but at least I gained another guardian angel :)

  4. That is such a beautiful and thoughtful letter. I bet you are his angel also. I am so sorry about this huge loss. Who was he to you?


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