Jersey Girl, Texan Heart: The Picture that's Hard To Share-Healthy Lifestyle Series Part 4
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The Picture that's Hard To Share-Healthy Lifestyle Series Part 4

4:00 AM


Hey Everyone!  For today’s post I have a really long YouTube video for y’all.  I decided to finally open up about my weight gain, weight loss, and body image insecurities.  I explain how everything started for me in the video and how my hatred for my body progressed over the years.  Below is the video but if you want to read my story just scroll over the video.


I’ll try and cover as many points in this post.  Just as an FYI this is a super long post because it goes in depth with a lot of things.  I can't just tell you part of the story, I need to start at the very beginning where my insecurities first started so that anyone reading this may think to themselves "I'm not alone."  I’ve labeled each section, so if you only want to read what I’ve been doing to lose the weight keep scrolling to **PRESENT DAY** and you’ll get all that information there.  Let’s start from the very beginning and work our way to the present day, shall we?

**CHILDHOOD**

Growing up I was never the “string bean” skinny type.  I wasn’t big or overweight, I was pretty average except a little more athletic than most.  I didn’t get made fun of for being “fat” up until I was older (within recent years) but I did get made fun of for other things.  Now, I know this may not seem relevant to this story for some but trust me it is.  It’s how all of my insecurities started.  When I was in first grade my parents moved because my little brother was born and they needed a bigger house.  So we moved up to the middle of nowhere NJ.  I was the weird new kid and I thought maybe I’ll make a lot of friends.  Boy was I wrong.  I got made fun of for my Barney boots.  I will NEVER forget the sadness I felt in that moment as a 1st grader just trying to make friends.  That was the start of it all.  I didn’t really get in the way of the “popular” kids or the kids at the back of the bus until a few years later.  I’m 100% Polish, well I’m technically Polish American but my entire family is from Poland.  My parents are Polish immigrants.  My mom and I had gone to Poland with my brother the summer after 2nd grade for three months.  When we came back I had completely forgotten the English language.  While I was on the playground I was trying to ask someone if they wanted to play with me after school and I just couldn’t get the words out.  Needless to say I got made fun of really badly.

I went home and told my parents I refuse to be Polish.  I refuse to speak it, I refuse to answer you in Polish, and I will not listen to you if you speak in Polish.  I wanted nothing to do with the culture.  I wanted to be a “normal kid.”  I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been for my parents to hear.

Well pretending not to be Polish after everyone obviously already knew backfired.  From that day on the playground all the way through high school I was made fun of.  At first it started with dumb Polish jokes and then they just got progressively crueler and crueler.  Once we learned about the Holocaust and the kids found out that Polish people were there they made the ignorant decision to start throwing pennies at me thinking I was a Jewish person because for some reason people have this misconception that Concentration Camps were just for Jewish people. 

In 5th grade is when I started going through puberty full force.  I had started a year before with my cycle but this is when my body started to change drastically.  I started to gain a little weight here and there.  Since I was getting made fun of for being Polish and getting made fun of for everything else in my life the only thing I could control was my weight.  My mom started agreeing to buy me all of the teener bopper magazines that had at home work outs in them.  That’s when my obsession with working out came into play.

By 8th grade my parents had, had enough of me refusing to admit to my Polish background that they made me go to Poland.  In 6 years I had blocked out the very thing that defined most of me as a person.  Well, I loved it.  I loved seeing my family, and even though it took me 2 weeks to really get comfortable with the language I didn’t want to come home.  No one made fun of me over there and my weight was perfect because of all of the walking you do in the city.  I was dreading (that's an understatement) coming back home to my life outside of the home.

**HIGHSCHOOL**

Then I had to come home from Poland and face reality.  I was starting high school.  High School is supposed to be the best 4 years of your life.  NOT. FOR. ME!  I counted down the milliseconds (ok maybe not necessarily but I was counting down) until the day I would be free from there.  Since I was continuously made fun of for my Polish background and now I was embracing it, the kids found something else to make fun of me for.  That’s when again, I turned to weight to make sure I could control something in my life.  Throughout high school I tried many different crash diets, lost weight the unhealthy way, and worked out over excessively.  It wasn’t until my Uncle from Poland who came to visit us noticed my unhealthy eating/working out habits.  He was the Judo Champion in Poland (I forget which years) so he knew what healthy vs unhealthy looked like.  He had said something and thanks to him I was back to a diet that was the healthy way.  My problem was that I grew up around athletes, my Uncle who was a Judo Champion and my dad who was a professional speed skater, and I wanted to be just as fit as they were.  If I would tell y’all how many hours I was working out in a day at one point in high school you definitely wouldn’t believe me.

**COLLEGE**

Now, the 4 worst years of my life were behind me.  I can start over.  Which I did actually.  I definitely flourished in college personality wise.  As much as I was becoming my own person, I still had one lingering issue; weight.  My weight had somehow become an obsession.  My desire to look like the girls in the magazines was pretty insane.  I still worked out and tried my best but was never happy with what I looked like.  Looking back on it now I wish I would’ve just shut my mouth because I was a good size.

I went through the motions, earned two degrees and here I was ready to face the real world, not knowing how stressful it would be to find a job and even with an MBA it would take me about a year to get a job, including the 3 years prior to that when I graduated with my Bachelors.

**TWO YEARS AGO**

Two years ago I had realized that the job I’m still currently at had caused me to gain 30 lbs.  From the day I started to two years ago from all of the sitting and eating I had gained a lot.  I decided to go on a diet and I was clean eating on top of working out.  I cut out all carbs and sugars along with lowering my sodium intake.  I had lost all 30 lbs and was so happy!

**PRESENT DAY**

Now, let’s fast forward to when I met my current boyfriend who I've been with for a year and a half (but I've known him for 10 years).  He’s Italian so I’ve had quite a few home cooked Italian meals, but we all know that means lots of carbs.  I couldn’t just have one serving and I couldn’t say no.  Thankfully since I was still living at home my mom still made home cooked meals from scratch with the healthier alternative.  She even made my lunches to make sure I was eating healthy and wouldn’t gain weight because she knows how I get when I lose weight.  There was one week where I was extremely stressed out to the point of not eating much (I didn't even realize that I skipped meals) and she said she would let it slide but if after one week I'm still not eating she would force feed me lol. Anyway.  I put on quite a few pounds just from happy relationship weight.  Then come September of 2015 I got into my accident.  I was on my way home from a dance class sitting at a red light (mind you it was dark so you could see it was red) and BOOM.  Someone hits me full force.  I didn’t even see headlights behind me for long (I saw them for a split second) that’s how fast they were going.  After that I should have gone to Physical Therapy but chose not to because I was afraid that the medical bills wouldn’t be covered which I’m currently still fighting 10 MONTHS LATER!  So after that I didn’t work out at all.  I was in extreme pain and was also afraid that if I work out the wrong way I would throw my back out.  There were a lot of personal issues and family emergencies that I will be keeping private (sorry everyone) but those stressed me out A LOT.  Needless to say I had gained a total of 40 lbs.  I was at my heaviest weight of all time.  I started a BOPO series in the midst of thinking this could help me spread the word of loving yourself and your body.  This series actually backfired because it only made me feel worse about myself.  I was trying so hard to convince myself that I was happy when I really wasn’t.  I give women who are plus size props for loving themselves because we live in a society today where we are constantly judged based on appearance, weight being one of the major ones.

Everyone noticed how depressed I was so I started working out here and there.  I started to eat a little better but nothing was working.  Then on Facebook I was scrolling through my news feed one night and saw one of my friends posting about the 21 Day Fix and how she had become a coach and was looking for girls who were ready to change their bodies.  I thought to myself this has to be my only hope.  Maybe I do need help with this, maybe I can’t do it alone.  So there I was contemplating whether or not to send her a message.  After about 10 minutes of starring at my phone I messaged her.  That’s when I was introduced to the 21 Day Fix.  It’s a great program that measures out your portions for you and makes it so easy for  you to eat the correct amounts each day by creating a portion control container system.  I was actually just able to change mine because my weight is under a different plan now.  She has been an amazing coach and she really pushed the entire group to do a great job.  Now, let’s move on to the fun part.  Before and After’s and how much I’ve lost!

**NOW**

I started at 185 lbs on June 9th feeling bloated disgusting and just hating myself.  At the end of round 1 of the 21 Day Fix I had dropped down to 173 lbs.  Then I had a few days in between until round 2 and I did have a cheat meal just so that I can remember how terrible certain foods make me feel since I have SO MUCH ENERGY now and then I had another one at my parent's house however it was only a little more salmon and a little more salad so it wasn't really too bad of a cheat meal.  Then at the start of Day 1 Round 2 I was down to 172 lbs.  Weigh in day was on Sunday and I have lost a total of 17lbs.  I'm currently at 168 lbs (as of Sunday's weigh in).  I'm so extremely proud of myself and so excited to see this weight shedding off.  I no longer dread the scale I'm actually excited even if I weigh the same or only lose a pound because I know that I'm also losing inches and gaining muscle.  I will continue this program until I get to my original goal which was to lose 30 lbs by my trip to Poland at the end of August, but I think I'm going to make a new goal to lose a total of 40 lbs.

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2 comments

  1. Good for you girl! I'm so proud of you, don't have time to watch the video now but will come back to watch it! I just ended the 21 day fix today and while I was going through it I was like I hate this I'm not doing it again...and here I am going to start it again on Monday! :) good work!

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  2. Thank you for opening up and sharing your story! I think so much of our stories are similar! I was teased my whole childhood for being the weird girl. In high school I was made fun of for being short. I'm Jewish, and people actually threw pennies at me too! I had always been on the thin side actually, but I always hated my body and felt fat. After my freshman year of college, I gained 10 pounds (which is a lot for someone as short as I am). I crash dieted all summer and lost 15 pounds. Finally by graduation, my weight stabilized. 2 years later, I moved away from home, and in only a few months, I gained the weight back. However, with portion control and a healthy diet, i lost the weight back in April. I am trying hard to keep it off now, so I can be at my goal weight before my wedding dress fitting. I loved getting to hear your story. I think it will help a lot of people!

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