Jersey Girl, Texan Heart: Shape Up Saturday Series: How to Deal with Negative or Passive Aggressive Comments during Weight Loss
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Shape Up Saturday Series: How to Deal with Negative or Passive Aggressive Comments during Weight Loss

12:00 AM

Sweatshirt:  Amazon (old) // Leggings:  TK Maxx (old from Poland) // Converse:  Foot Locker

Ok, I know what you're thinking by reading the title.  What could possibly be said that's negative about weight loss?  Well, grab a cup of coffee and park it in front of wherever you're reading this from, let's have a little story time so you can see what's been happening with this weight loss because although I'm really happy, I have had a few odd comments made.  Keep reading to see what I mean because I'm sure some of you have had the same thing happen to you.

Now, I'm going to write this post as how I originally reacted to these comments and how I'm now reacting to them after having a chance to sit down and evaluate them.  And yea, maybe I am a little sensitive at first before I actually think about where other people are coming from.

These are things you should not say to someone who just lost weight whether it be 5lbs or 100+lbs and I'll explain why in the following paragraphs (there's a reason to my madness):

You look amazing now!

Now I can call you beautiful!

Girl, you're getting too skinny, you need to gain some weight!

What are you doing?  You lost weight WAY too quick, are you actually eating?

Now, the reason why this post may come off a little hostile is because what people don't understand is when someone changes their lifestyle and starts eating healthy and working out the last thing they want to hear is something that will bring them down.  Ok, so yea some of the comments that have been said to me I'm sure the person meant well they just didn't know how to deliver their message, but others might have actually meant for it to come off rude or mean.  When someone is losing weight they aren't just losing numbers on a scale.  They are losing their self doubt, their own self pity, in some cases years of trauma.  They are gaining self confidence, self control, discipline, happiness, energy, etc.  Weight loss is not just a number on a scale, it's a journey to a better life for that person, it's getting up off the couch and not making excuses or feeling sorry for yourself.  I'm not saying all people who are losing weight are sensitive, but you have to remember the mental state may not be 100% because they are working on themselves and their bodies.  These are people who were either overweight their whole life and made fun of, people who were once supermodel skinny and somehow let themselves go, these are people who just stopped caring and accepted defeat.

First let's break down the things I listed above because those things were actually said to me within the past few weeks.

You look amazing now!

The reason why this is something you don't say is because of that last word.  The word now.  That just really drives the knife into the gut and says you look really good now but you didn't look that great before.  Of course I look and feel better now, but that's for me to say not you unless you're my mom haha!

Now I can call you beautiful!

Ok, before I get into this one let me tell you the back story on this.  It's a good one.  I was going to the kitchen to wash my containers at work.  While I was washing my containers a coworker (older gentleman, I'm sure he meant well?) comes up to me and starts asking me about my weight loss.  This isn't a surprise because almost everyone has asked me what I've been doing.  He then proceeds to say that he can now say I'm beautiful.  I didn't know how to react and got really nervous because I was afraid that I was going to say something inappropriate but I refrained and did an awkward thanks followed by an awkward laugh.  He then proceeded to say that the other "big girl" in my department should do what I did so she can be beautiful too.  When I went back to my seat I kept trying to tell myself he meant well, there was probably just a language barrier, he probably didn't mean what he said.  This has been embedded in the back of my brain since it was said to me and kind of makes me scared to gain any weight back. 

Girl, you're getting too skinny, you need to gain some weight!

This was recently said to me.  I got mad but didn't show it and just said "oh I know, I'm actually eating some more now so I plump up a little bit."  Yea, no that's not happening.  See what people don't understand is maybe you need to ask me why I lost weight.  What if I was sick and couldn't help the weight loss?  What if I was diagnosed with a chronic condition?  That can be a touchy subject for people.  In my case, fortunately, I just lost weight the healthy way and am now being told I'm too skinny.  I'm not doing it to be skinny.  I'm doing it to be proud of my body and be proud of the hard work I put in day in and day out.  I'm doing it so that I don't get back to the mental state I was in before.  I workout (even if it's extremely modified, it's what the physical therapist lets me do) and I eat really healthy.  Just because I lost 41 lbs in 6 months doesn't mean I did it just to be skinny.  If I've stuck to it for this long it's because I actually FEEL good.  My health was deteriorating back in June and I needed to do something, this was it.

 What are you doing?  You lost weight WAY too quick, are you actually eating?

Ok, just come out and ask me if I have an eating disorder for crying out loud.  Yes, I'm eating.  I'm actually eating a lot, I'm just eating healthy foods.  I eat in moderation, but I eat a lot of different food groups on top of drinking my shakeology daily which has everything I need vitamin wise.  I lost 41 lbs in 6 months which is basically (if you divide it) 1.7 lbs per week lost.  An average healthy weight loss is 1-3 lbs per week.  So please explain to me how I lost weight WAY too quick.

Ok, so how do I deal with these comments?

Vent about them here on the blog, lol no just kidding!  Here's what I do.

Try to evaluate the comment or question.  Did they really mean what they said or did it come out wrong?  Most of the time people just don't understand that their comments come off as rude or offensive.  I know that a lot of people are sensitive nowadays and we are all in fear of being politically correct or not wanting to hurt someone's feelings but unfortunately sometimes we have something called word vomit.  It just takes a certain type of person to brush it off, which I try to most of the time, sometimes I just can't.  Sometimes their may be a language/cultural barrier and with something like that you need to give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they didn't mean it maliciously.  I mean it very well could have been meant to come off that way, but growing up with immigrant parents sometimes if you literally translate something it's not the same and it may not come off the same way especially expressions or sayings.

Maybe they are actually TRYING to be mean or rude.  Ok, so what does that mean?  Maybe they're jealous or insecure about their own bodies.  Maybe they see how happy you are that they just can't handle it because they're not that happy.  If you're like me and you were made fun of your whole life for pretty much anything and everything you learn that the people who are making fun of you are because they are either being bullied by someone in their own life or they just need to put others down to feel better about themselves.  I think that's why I like to lift people up because I know what it feels like to be constantly put down.  It's so much more fun to lift people's spirits.  POSITIVE VIBES ONLY!

When people say things like "you lost weight way too quick" it may be that they are actually concerned.  They always say that other people don't notice weight loss until you lose 15-20 lbs so when they finally notice it's a little shocking because all of the sudden you walk in and your legs are half the size they were before.  I think in my case it was because once I lost 30 lbs I finally went clothes shopping and got clothes that actually fit me.  I'm sure people may have actually been concerned because I'm the smallest I've been in quite some time, but I promise I'm doing it the healthy way!

In the end there's always going to be someone who has to say something bad or negative.  There will always be someone who says something about whatever it is that you're doing.  There will always be someone who unfollows you because they "can't stand" your progress pictures or your positivity.  It's just bound to happen.  It's how you decide to brush it off and not care is what makes you the better person in the end.  Sorry for the long post and if you've read down to this part I'm actually surprised haha.  Have a good Saturday y'all and just so you know this post isn't meant for me to complain it's just to show you how your comments may not be the best ones or how to deal with these comments that may bring you down.


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